When a Soulmate Has Fur: Understand the grief of pet loss and how to begin healing
- Jul 6, 2025
- 6 min read
Updated: Jul 13, 2025
Losing a pet can turn your world upside down, quietly, but completely. There’s no funeral, no big announcement, and yet the absence of that familiar tail wag, soft purr, or warm presence can leave a hole that feels impossible to fill. For many of us, grieving a pet is one of the deepest, most personal forms of heartbreak we’ll ever know.
The truth is, when you lose a pet, you’re not just losing an animal, you’re losing a soulmate in fur, a daily companion, and a source of unconditional love. Whether it was the loss of a dog, a cat, or another beloved creature, their absence can shake your emotional foundation.
On a personal note: I decided to write this post because we recently put our sweet girl, Tomoe, to rest the end of June. It was a long time coming as she had been struggling with immobility due to disc degeneration and other issues...it was just her time. We put our other girl, Mya, to rest back in 2019 so I thought I would be "stronger" this time around, but man oh man, I was a complete mess again with Tomoe. So here is a bit of (hopefully) helpful info that could help you or someone you know who is experiencing pet loss.
So why does pet loss hurts so much, anyway?
The pain of pet loss grief can feel overwhelming, especially when others don’t fully understand. But this kind of heartbreak makes sense when you consider how much our pets mean to us. They’re woven into our everyday routines. They greet us at the door, curl up with us when we’re sad, and walk beside us through some of life’s biggest transitions.
Losing a furry family member often means losing the steady emotional support they provided. This kind of emotional pain after losing a pet isn’t about being “too sensitive”, it’s about losing a relationship built on love, trust, and presence.
The Ups and Downs of pet loss...
Coping with pet loss isn’t straightforward. One minute you might feel okay, and the next you’re crying in the car after seeing someone walking a golden retriever that looks just like yours. That’s grief doing its thing. You may feel shock at first, like they might still come trotting into the room. Or guilt, wondering if you could have done something differently. You might feel a heavy, aching sadness that doesn’t seem to lift. That’s all part of grieving the loss of a beloved pet. It’s messy and emotional, and it’s absolutely normal.
The psychology of pet grief
Grief after pet loss follows many of the same emotional stages as human loss. While it may look different for everyone, it often includes:
Denial – Hoping to hear their paws or expecting to see them at the door.
Anger – At the situation, the vet, ourselves, or even at life’s unfairness.
Bargaining – Wondering if we could have done something differently.
Depression – Feeling the heavy, aching sadness of their absence.
Acceptance – Beginning to find peace, while still honoring their memory.
What can help?
If you're feeling lost right now, the most important thing is to give yourself permission to grieve. The world might move on quickly, but you don’t have to. Some people find healing in talking to others who get it, whether that’s a therapist, a support group, or even a pet grief forum online. There are entire communities built around pet grief support, and they can be a lifeline.
Others turn to journaling or write letters to their pet. Some light a candle, frame a photo, or plant something in their memory. Even small acts like these help with healing after pet loss, because they give you space to honor the love. Something that really helped me was to go on walks. I definitely "ugly cried" while walking but I just didn't care if anyone saw me...lol. You could wear sunglasses, too! I also like to turn to painting, of course, which is very therapeutic for me, and maybe could be helpful for you as well.
It’s also okay to avoid certain places or routines until you’re ready. There’s no timeline here. No "right" way to do this. Ironically, a few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post on my massage therapy website sharing tips on how to holding space for yourself and others when they are going through tough times. I found some of the suggestions in that post to be helpful for myself during this time of grieving Tomoe.
Moving forward (without moving on)
At some point, things begin to shift. You’ll still miss them, of course, but you may notice the sharp pain begins to soften around the edges. You might smile when you remember their quirks. That’s not forgetting them, it’s part of emotional healing after pet loss.
Some people choose to adopt another pet in time, not to replace the one they lost, but as a way to continue giving and receiving love. The heart has space for both grief and new beginnings. I waited about a year and a half before adopting Lucy after Mya passed. I had a dream about Lucy two months before discovering her at a shelter and I felt like it was meant to be. Lucy and Tomoe became great friends.
You’re not alone
If your heart still aches, if you still instinctively reach for the leash or expect to hear paws in the hallway, please know you’re not alone. Grieving a pet is real, and it deserves space and compassion. The bond you shared doesn’t disappear. It simply takes on a new form, one that stays with you in memories, rituals, and quiet moments of remembrance.
If you're navigating pet bereavement, be kind to yourself. Drink water, get some rest. Let yourself feel all of it. You're doing better than you think. Love like that doesn’t disappear. It just changes form. And some days, that love will come back to you, in a breeze, a dream, or a memory that makes you smile.
Here are a few resources that can help if you need more support:
ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline – 877-GRIEF-10
While writing this post, I got inspired to create a special place here where pet parents could celebrate and share their love of the beloved pet on a public tribute wall. I created Rainbow Bridge Tribute Wall as a part of this blog for anyone wanting to post a picture and memories or wishes about or for their pet who has crossed the bridge.
I am actually so happy this was created because I think it could be really therapeutic for people to use writing as a way to grieve or just simply give their pet another space to continue to let their souls be shared with us. It could be sort of like an online community for all of us to share how awesome our pets were!
You'll see the short form above, where you’re welcome to include your pet’s photo and a message to honor them. After submitting, you’ll receive a downloadable keepsake to print at home.
While this post is about the heart of grief, some people find comfort in having a portrait of their pet. If that feels like part of your healing, I’m honored to create one when you're ready.
Customers share the most precious stories of their pets and how they impacted their lives over the years. It brings tears to my eyes when I can feel just how much that pet brought so much joy to their family. Pets truly are part of the family, and it is my honor to help your healing journey.
Thank you for reading, and please share with others who may be going through a difficult time with pet loss. And please let me know if there are suggestions you have that I could add to this article that may help others :)
-Amy
Read more about Mya's Friends Portraits in a previous post.
